Saturday Adventures: Jeeping

What's black, slightly rusted, and hard to get in? The new Jeep!

On Saturday, we made our way to Ka'ena Point (North Shore Side), which was too amazing for words. I've been there before, but not all the way to the end, and I usually go to the Waianae side. 

When we finally got there, the waves were crashing and the wind was howling.

I even drove when we went offroading! (Only for a little bit).

Click for Jeep Pictures

Click for Ka'ena Point Pictures

Through the [Fat] Looking Glass

As new years resolutions are everywhere, "eat healthy" slogans are being advertised, and gyms/personal trainers are prostituting themselves, it's hard to not think about being healthy. Everyone has "health kick mode" in mind.

With that being said, lately I've been trying my best to really become healthy and have an athletic body type.

I'm trying to be fit. However, I'm not there yet due to underlying issues.

Everyone has a problem, however most people's problem's are hidden in a dark closet that no one can see. Alcoholism, compulsive shopping, gambling, and other various issues can be easily hidden. Weight, not so much. Overweight people have a problem that everyone else can see.

For as long as I can remember I've obsessed about how much I weigh and how I look. I have no clue why. I can't control it and it may always be a problem.  Yes, I have an eating disorder and yes, I've been seeking treatment for it. But the body image issues are still there. I'll lose weight and feel really good, until someone points out the elephant in the room.


A couple months ago, I was at my boyfriend's volunteer-thing and his former co-worker was talking about how her friend needed to make weight for their routine military weigh-ins. She was talking about how much her friend was eating X junk food and that the friend was going to have a problem with making weight. She turns towards me and said something along the lines of "there's nothing wrong with being overweight, but it's our job."

Okay... Thanks for the need to point that out to me...

I have no clue why someone needed to defend themselves after making a fat comment.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend had a house party. He invited a lot of his co-workers over and they ate, drank, and hung out. This guy came late and I was already outside with one of the guest's dog. Everyone was inside chatting away. After Mr.Fashionably-late and I stopped chatting, he went inside and made a comment "she's huge" referring to the pit-bull mix. No one realized he was commenting about the dog--they thought he was referring to me!  I was still outside and he quickly said that he was talking about the dog then someone said "Oh, I was about to say..."

Thanks. again.

Before I knew it hot, stinging tears ran down my face. I quietly and quickly wobbled walked away to gather myself.

When I went back to the party, I put my walls up and shut down.  I dawned fake smile and continued to look like I was having fun. The words kept replaying in my head like a sad song on repeat. I'm already socially awkward enough as it is.

This suit I'm in feels like I'm someone else. Yes, my currently body type feels like a costume. It isn't me, it's slightly scary and foreign. I have a soft belly, squishy thighs, and a big butt. I feel like I'm looking through someone else's eyes at myself. This really isn't me and who I am. When I catch a glimpse at myself, I know there is a streamlined Sarah somewhere in there, however she hasn't figured out a way to claw herself out. It's a hard thing to swallow. 

It makes me sad that people don't see the streamlined Sarah. They judge me on fat-suit Sarah. I want to rid myself of this emotional and physical baggage. I'm really this fun and caring person who loves fashion and anything with glitter.

This year my goal is whenever I look into the mirror I no longer hurt inside. I want to feel like the streamline version of myself. 

Let It Go

I think everyone can agree that there has been a detrimental occurrence in life that has made them cocoon theirselves in a big comfy blanket and cried.

**Since this is a public forum I'm leaving out names and places.**

I decided to forgive and try to forget all of the bad things that had happened. Of course we can always accept an apology from another person, but it's what's next that's important: actually forgiving.

I was at lunch with an attorney I work for and we were talking about the drama in our lives and then she asked about mine. I brought up a story of when I was younger, a guy who I was truly in love with (and dating) began dating someone else and ended up getting married to her. I cocooned myself and cried. Cried at the smallest things. I was heart broken.

It was awkward at first talking to him, I was at the receiving end of a call from him crying hours after they were married, he text messaged me after that, and ended up getting an annulment a week later (not because of me or anything I said, but it was an argument between them). A few months later he sat down with me and really apologized. I said "I forgive you". I was really, really angry at him.

Even though I said the words I forgive you I actually didn't. I still had so much built in anger. So much hurt. and so much sadness.

A few years later my wounds were healed and I forgave him. It took a lot of tears and screaming but I FINALLY was able to think about the hurt without crying or getting angry. I was able to move on.

My supervisor was surprised, to say the least, when finding out that I eventually forgave him. At first she didn't understand. It wasn't a fake forgive, it was a real one. I've moved on, I don't think about it anymore unless someone brings it up.

Many people accept apologies verbally, but not mentally or emotionally. I don't think it's fair to say "I forgive you" without actually forgiving them within yourself. If you end up getting back together as friends or romantically, it's not fair to either one of you.

Letting go of the hurt has really helped my happiness. I am able to smile and laugh while we're in the same room, verses before I wanted to strangle him or I'd give him the evil eye anytime he looked my way.

I can wholeheartedly say that I'm happy that I've fully forgiven him.

2013--Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Wow. 2012 was a real doozy. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I learned a lot and I'm looking forward to this new year.

I am one of those people who thinks that the new year is a fresh start. I don't do die hard resolutions but it reminds me that I need to sit down and think about goals for myself.

So, for all of you that think resolutions are a waste of time--don't call it a resolution. Call them "2013 Goals".


New years is a day that I can't help but think of the new year. Yes, it sounds like a captain obvious moment, but on a day like March 12th I won't think of goals. On June 3rd I won't have a designated time to think about potential accomplishments.  On October 19 I won't think of adventures I want to partake in.

Take the day to think about what YOU want and what will make YOU happy.

Allons-y!!

 As of November 30th I will be moving from the Downtown Honolulu area and moving to another city, Kapolei. I have really loved living in this apartment, however there were some things that were going downhill which gave me the extra push to move out.

There comes a point, when you have roommates, to decide whether or not its really worth living there. I noticed little things missing, such as: toilet paper (who steals toilet paper?!), my special KerActive shampoo, towels, food, etc. I also noticed someone was going into my room when I wasn't there. I didn't confront my roommate about it, or my landlord who also lives in the apartment with us, I just decided to watch my things closely. It's sad that someone would take something that belonged to someone else, but it happens. 

Any who, I am sad that I won't have access to a pool, jacuzzi, 24 hour gym, spa, and the convenience of living a whopping 7 minute walk from work--but I LOVE KAPOLEI. It's a new city on Oahu and it's very promising to be the next Downtown Honolulu. I like how its more quiet and things aren't so expensive as the downtown area. 

Tomorrow, Nov. 28th we get the keys to move in. I'm so excited! I spent the entire day packing my boyfriends house (apparently, he's a big baby sick) and I've already taken care of my apartment. I'm really happy.

The four months I lived at Capitol Place, I learned a lot about myself, my life, and what is really important to me. Before, I never did the day-to-day needs and I really never have been ALONE. I've always had my sister, family, or boyfriend there. I learned a lot about myself while being alone. I realized I need alone time to become relaxed so my brain isn't overworked. I'm so used to going above and beyond for everyone else, that I wasn't doing it for myself.

I really encourage anyone who is wanting to move out from their parents to their boyfriend's house to really slow down. Even though I was only on "my own" for four months, this time was very beneficial for me. It actually helped my relationship and I'm at a much better place before I moved into my apartment. It helped me learn more about me. It forced me to look at my wants and needs.

Now that I have this new outlook, I am excited for this new adventure, now that I know what I need for myself. As the tenth doctor would say, Allons-y!! 

Spy Level: Girlfriend

Sometimes we come across things that we aren't supposed to see; whether its an email, a text message, or some other form of documentation. Once we see these things by snooping or inadvertently coming across it, it can be hurtful. Is it ever good to read it or search for more? I know a lot of people look through their partner's phones to see if they are staying true to the relationship.

I was an assistant to a girl at a radio station I used to work for, I thought we were friends and she was very nice and sincere. One day she was out of the office and called me and asked if I could look for something in her sent box. That's when I accidentally saw where she had been talking about me to her then fiance. It was basically talking about my lack of intelligence and that I was a slow learner. Of course, I could never confront her on that because I accidentally saw it, however, I never respected her the same again. The accusations weren't true. I remember asking her a few days later if I needed to work on anything and how I was generally doing, no response was given to me. No constructive criticism. If anything, what she stated are actually my best qualities, considering I went from a newbie legal assistant to a paralegal in 8 short months. Shortly after coming across that email, I left and started working where I am currently employed.

I have never been one to snoop in other people's things. Its rude and I wouldn't want anyone to do it to me. Its not that I have nothing to hide, but I could have been venting or speaking out of context about something else--which could be highly misinterpreted.

In the past, I have come across my boyfriend talking to another girl. After my heart sank a little bit, I did decide to read the entire chain of emails. I was disheartened in what I saw but the key is to pick your battles. I didn't confront him about it, but I did keep her name in my memory bank to use if it did happen again.

After seeing what can sometimes not be forgotten, you have to choose what to do with the information you have. Psychotic rampage? Interrogation methods? I wouldn't do either of those, but I think it's good to see why your partner is talking badly about you, when the time is right.

If you see your partner talking to multiple people, I think drastic measures should be taken. Not psychotic ones, but maybe decide if the relationship is really what you want.

A lovely quote from the wall flower "we accept the love that we think we deserve".

I know that no one deserves to be second best or twenty-seventh best. You should be the best to someone and your special someone should be number one to you as well.

Don't be a door mat but remember to use the information you have wisely.

My November Favorites

I love finding inexpensive little gems. So far, for the month of November these are my favorites:

Paul Mitchell: Forever Blonde Shampoo $17

This purple metallic shampoo helps keep my hair frizz free and healthy. I use it every day and my hair, which was dramatically colored lighter is nice and silky smooth. It has the awesome KerActive protein that really helps keep your hair healthy.





TokyoMilk Perfume: Song in D Minor $36

I am not one to wear perfume. If I do I tend to stay with Versace or Michael Kors. After getting a massage at a boutique style salon, I picked up the tester and it instantly reminded me of my childhood in Japan. I picked up the bottle and happily paid the $36. I have been using it for 2 weeks and there isn't a dent in the bottle. This fragrance is White Orchid, Orange Flower, Gardenia, and Amber. It smells so light and fresh.








Essie Nail Polish in Merino Cool $6

I am addicted to nail polish, especially Essie brand because I love the names of the different colors and I like that it lasts longer than OPI. This color is perfect for November and matches all my clothes and is a lot more visually appealing verses my usual black polish.



Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate and Carmel Squares:

Oh my sweet-toothness! So yummy and satisfying, it helps when things are hectic at work. Definitely worth taking a break for. These make the holiday season so much better.  What's even better, I purchased them for $2.99 at Ross!














Leave a comment on what your favorite product is and I'll feature some of them next month! :)