Update

It's been about a week since I moved out of my ex-boyfriend's house and on to my own. It's been really hard. I miss the dogs, I miss him. Even though I've been around loved ones, I still feel alone. To me it feels like I'm forgetting something, that something is missing...

I know it's them. I miss cuddling with the doggies and laughing and funny stuff they do. Or when he'd come home and gossip with me about the stupid people that he works with.

During the week I did really well and I haven't really cried. Suddenly today, I was watching Netflix and I had this overwhelming grief and sadness. I just started to ball--out of the blue. The entire thing is just sad. I thought I was ready to move on, but maybe I'm not.

I know that I'll get through this and that I'll be my happy-go-lucky self once again. I tried to make the end of my weekend a little better by going to TJ Maxx. I purchased some great bath stuff and good smelly soaps that made me feel a little better. I just used my new sage soap and I smell...Ahhhhhmazing.

In regards to my blog, I've been going through a tough time and I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. I have some great ideas, but I wanted to decide what direction I should take with this blog. If I should start a completely new one or just keep this one running. I do have about 400 followers. I promise to all that are reading this, I'll crank out some posts shortly. I just need a few more days to decide exactly what I'm going to do. Stay tuned and I wish you every happiness.

I love you, but I love me more

I recently parted ways with my on again-off again boyfriend. We decided that we didn't want the same things and that we didn't have the same passion that there was years ago. At first I was angry, then I was sad. Needless to say, my life changed so drastically in such a short period of time. He broke up with me on March 12th, I moved into my new place on March 17th. 5days. Nothing will be the same. again.

I had to frantically pack my belongings and move out of the house. I had to say goodbye to my furry best friends, a vehicle, and all house necessities. I couldn't really bring anything other than things that were solely mine. It was something very hard for me to swallow.

This man, who has been my best friend for years, and who I've know for my entire adult life is gone. I feel as though something is missing, it pains my heart. Not to sound cliche, this is for the best.

Last night was the first night that I slept in my own place. It was quiet and all I could think about was our relationship and all of the hurt. I had known for awhile that we were drifting apart. I was trying my hardest to hold on to our relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was let it die.

He gave me a mental bookmark for when I look back. How many moments in life can you point out and say "that's when it all changed"? I now have one.

Since I was with him for so long, I feel like I need to regain my identity. I'm going to take the time to heal, love my self, and become a confident woman. He may have hurt me, but I am thankful that he gave me a second chance at a happier life. I now know what I do and don't want in a man, and I know what I deserve.

There is no doubt that there will always be a place for him in my heart. Like my favorite quote from Samantha on Sex in the City "I love you, but I love me more".

I know everything is going to be okay. I just have to keep reminding myself.