It's Not Me, It's You: 10 tips from yours truly.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice to someone who is currently going through a break up, especially since I'm still in the throes of mine, but I'm going to tell you what is working for me. Here's my advice to anyone who has been in a relationship and is now "single".

1. Delete delete delete:

Go through your laptop/computer, phone, Facebook, and emails and delete EVERYTHING. My ex was deployed for about 2 years of our relationship, and we sent back and fourth *thousands* of emails. I deleted them from my "boyfriend" folder and my sent box. I deleted his text messages, his voice mails, and any trace of him. Do this step once you're ready. I did this week 3 into my break up. I made a lot of friends when we dated. However, most of them were his co-workers or the wife of a co-worker. Once we broke up, I broke up with them too. It's sad, but it's not fair to put them in an awkward position. There are a few girls he works with that I'll miss, but it's not something that was fair to put anyone in the middle.

2. The drunken text message:

You should not only delete your ex from your virtual world, but from your phone contact list as well. You don't want to start to text the first three letters of their name and then their contact info comes up and they wake up to a pathetic/lame misspelled message from you. You'll forget their number soon enough. Or... try my next tip.

3. Boo! Ghosting 101:

My ex is the Storm Shadow equivalent in the mind ninja arena. He knows which buttons to press to make me sad or angry. It's the type of button that he knows will simmer in my head until I go all Miranda Lambert and want to burn everything he owns. I find that people like this are toxic. After we broke up, I mistakenly didn't block him from calling me. If your ex is known for pushing your buttons or being a mind-ninja. It's time to ghost him/her. Ghosting simply means that they have no way of getting in contact with you and you don't inform them that you are blocking them.

Block your ex from everything. I touched all of the basis: Facebook, Text Messaging, Email, Instagram. When I was in DELETE, DELETE, DELETE mode I blocked him at the same time.

I have AT&T and I signed up for smart-limits which allows me to block numbers. If you don't have this option, you could change your telephone number so an ex can't contact you.

4. Me, myself, and my sanity:

If you find out that you ex has already moved on to someone new, block him/her too. I have had crazy new girlfriends contact me. The first time my ex and I broke up (2009), his new "girl" non-stop contacted me. This time when we officially broke up, forever. I moved out, and he instantly moved a girl back in. Come to find out, she was *Facebook stalking me*. winner, winner. Block the new person so you aren't contacted, make your Facebook where only friends can message you. Even if you are intrigued to do a little Facebook stalking, it's not worth it.

5. Make a list:

If you have mascara running down your face and you think of all of the good things about your horrible ex (like I did) make a list of how shitty he/she was and how it made you feel. When your ex reaches out to you to contact you and there's a slight chance of hope to rekindle..don't do it. There is a reason why the relationship didn't last. Don't try to super glue your broken vase, there are too many missing pieces. They shouldn't be contacting you anyways, if you blocked them.


6: Wanna play a game of 21 questions?:

Many people will find out that you broke up and will want to ask 21 zillion questions. Don't talk about your break up to any ear that will listen. Really think who you want to confide in. Also, if these questions are crossing the line and you don't want to answer, simply tell the person. I told a lot of people "It's not something that I want to talk about, when I'm ready, I'll tell you". You don't have to ever tell them. Unless you want to. I just added the last part so I didn't make them feel bad.






7: Over and out:

You have to realize, it's time to move on. It's over. I'm 25, we dated on and off for 5 years. I've known him my entire adult life. We had some really horrible moments, but we've had many good ones as well. Take the time to heal and work on yourself. Were there things that he hated to do? Do them. Was there places he never wanted to go? Go there. Do what you want to do. Focus on YOU.

The "Let's keep in touch" or the horrible "Let's be friends" is a absolute no. Your ex is drug, you're in rehab. Pretend you're in a 6th grade DARE class. *say it with me children* JUST SAY "NO".

8: Judge Judy 101:

My ex owed me money and we also had purchased cars and pets together. I paid for many household items which I couldn't take (i.e. furniture). I could take him to court to fight it, but I decided that I didn't want to have any more contact with him. It wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't want an excuse to reach out to him. Is a few thousand dollars worth being insane for months on end? No. Is it worth arguing and fighting about little things? No. I decided to cut my losses and move on. Bringing a court action won't make us get back together. It won't solve things or resolve unanswered questions. It will make each other resentful. I learned the hard lesson of being dependent on someone else and the "make believe". It's not like you can take your ex to family court, possibly to small claims court--but where could you really go? There's not a People-who-can't-commit-but-they-play-house court.

The flip side: If you owe him/her. Just give it to them. It's not worth it. At least have it in writing that you mutually agree that you owe him/her nothing. You don't want to get sued. yikes.

9. Pretty, pretty princess:

I haven't gotten to do this step, but I'm excited to do so. Get a makeover! Shape your eye brows, cut your hair (I must remind myself: No bangs!!), get your hair highlighed, try a new makeup style, pick up some cute clothes, or sassy shoes. Feel good about yourself. It's a little shallow, but who cares?! You're looking after you now, and you like the new "you".

10. Family and Friends:

Sometimes being around people who actually love you, will help the healing process. After I was happy about my one month anniversary of being single, my kind-of Aunt said that I wasn't "single" but I was Independently Owned and Operated. My sister makes me laugh by putting funny memes on my Facebook wall, or she sends me funny texts when I get ready for work in the morning. My parents have been nice and supportive to me. I'm thankful for my family and friends who have been there with me.

And....a quick list of don'ts: Don't "blow up" his/her phone with text messages and calls, don't Facebook stalk, don't set their house on fire, or key their car, don't tattoo his face on your butt, or shave your head. It's a bad idea. Act like a lady (or gentleman) and pull yourself together.

Remember, have a great time!

Bye Bye Brassy-Locks!

One of the biggest challenges of being a chemical blonde, is brassiness. Usually a few weeks after a nice dye-job from your stylist, your blonde locks can start turning a yucky orange color.

Brassiness can result from the chemicals in the water, the type of dye used, and the type of shampoo/styling products that are used on your hair.

I was noticing on the 5th week that my hair would start to turn an orange color, even if I used the Paul Mitchell products. I started to google the cause and a resolution. It appears that my low-lights have been making my hair brassy. Some people suggested going to the salon and they can put a toner on the hair. I was looking at pricing in my area, and it was a little too high for me. Instead I would dye my hair again. Then I came upon purple shampoo. 

I have used purple shampoo in the past, but it was a lighter purple and made my roots darker and my hair turn a greenish tint. I was really apprehensive when it came to purple shampoo, I didn't think it would make such a difference in my hair, but it really did! I found a great product from Sally's Beauty supply, it was inexpensive, and had a rich royal purple color to it. The pricer brand is Clairol's Shimmer Lights Conditioning Shampoo. Also note, purple shampoo can also be referred to as violet shampoo. 

Now that I started to wash my hair with purple shampoo (once a week) I notice my highlights are more vivid and my low lights stand out. Before using purple shampoo, my hair looked all one color and it was turning an orange/yellow tint. 

For about 4 weeks, I have been using purple shampoo. I use the purple shampoo before my regular daily routine. I lather the shampoo in my hair and leave it on my hair for about 3-5 minutes. You'll want to use a nice conditioner after, because I feel like sometimes it can make my hair have major tangle issues.

If you're thinking, why purple? it's simple. If you look on a color wheel, you'll notice that on the opposite side of yellow/orange is a purple/violet color. In order to balance your hair, you'll use violet on top of yellow/orange. This theory applies to red skin, you can use a green primer. 

Royal Purple/Violet: From Sally's Beauty Supply

Try to get the darkest purple as possible, you'll notice a big difference in your hair. The darker the purple, the better the result. If you get John Frieda's purple shampoo, it's a lot lighter and may take a few uses before your hair isn't brassy.

Another tip is to not use this shampoo too often or keep it on too long. It may turn your hair a shade of purple. I stick to my once a week and it works for me. 

Try using purple shampoo before going to a professional to get it toned. You may be surprised on how much of a difference it can make on your hair in one use. 

Motivational Monday: ALL ABOUT YOU!

Today I caught myself day dreaming, looking out the window and seeing ant-sized people busily walking with a purpose. I always wonder what they're thinking, where they're going, and why are they in such a hurry.

I was thinking about my future and how excited I am for what's changing, I know that I have had a dark moment that has left me feeling--bleh.

I realized that once something great and significant happens, I'll forget all about the hard times. My life will change when I meet the person of my dreams, I have the job position that I want, and all my aspirations come true.

I have recently come to the the conclusion that YOU have to be happy with YOURSELF before you can with anyone else. I have heard it so many times before, but I never really thought about it or I gave a dramatic eye-roll. I have been really motivated lately do to what makes me happy. I have been doing yoga, working out, reading, shopping, and talking to a bunch of people who lift my spirits up and make me giggle.

I am motivated to become happy because for so long I was told that I wasn't. I was made to believe that I wasn't a happy person, I had someone who constantly told me that I was unhappy. That person was wrong. I am a happy person who loves to make others happy as well.

Yoga helps me push the negative thoughts out and breathe in the positive mind-set.

What can you do that makes you happy? To some people it's a cup of tea and a good book to others it's skydiving.
If you don't really know, think of times that you felt satisfied. I would suggest if you have a disorder, to not do things that would trigger a bad reaction or habit. Focus on long lasting things that promote happiness--such as Yoga.

In the past couple of weeks, focusing on myself and making myself happy has has been therapeutic. I was motivated by a few of my friends who talk about being happy and making "you" a priority. It's not selfish, it's healthy. But like anything else, it can be easily abused.

Make a list if you have to. Wake up tomorrow and say "I love you".

Drive It Like You Own It

When I moved out of my ex-boyfriend's house, he decided to keep the SUV, the Jeep, and the Car. Even though I pretty much own half of the SUV and the Jeep was a gift; I needed some wheels without a fight.

I needed something to get me around and that would be easy to pay for and that would be a good investment. I did my research and came up with the top three cars I wanted. It boiled down to price, price of insurance, and esthetics of the car. I wanted "affordable luxury", I had my eyes set on a Saab. I couldn't find anything wrong with the car online, it was a great and reliable car. Saab stopped making cars due to bankruptcy, but their parts department is still up and running.

I looked on Craig's List and searched for a Saab, two weeks later I stumbled upon one at a VW dealer close to my house. I called the dealer, spoke with a Sales Man, and made an appointment.

That day I requested a car loan and requested insurance quotes, I wanted to be positive I could afford a nice car--without breaking the bank and so I could have some wiggle room when it came to great shopping sprees and pampering. I was approved and continued to read up on my lovely, potential, Saab.

I went to the appointment and the salesman was waiting for me. He showed me the car and I loved it. I wasn't afraid to let him know, after all, that was the only car I requested to see.

When we were taking it out for a test drive he said "Drive it like you own it" after that I was hooked. After the test drive, and checking the speed and response of the great turbo, we went inside and talked about the specifics.

We went inside and started the negotiations. I stayed calm and I had a figure in my head that I wanted to be. I didn't want to pay over $18,500 which included tax, title, and license.

I made a really low offer ($14k) and asked to see the "CarFax", on the CarFax report, it will show how long they have had the car on their lot as well as essential information on any accidents or service. This one had been there for awhile, but not long. I argued that it had been there--taking up space and not a lot of people's first choice when going to a VW dealership is a Saab. The salesman and I negotiated, he had to go back and forth between his boss quite a few times. They finally came down to the number I wanted but I wanted to see my limit. I was able to have them remove and replace the window tint to my standards as well as replacing speaks (I didn't know their condition). They agreed and I ended up paying less than I wanted, SCORE.

I felt great that I purchased a car on my own, looked at it, and negotiated on a price. Most women ask for their fathers or significant others to accompany them to the dealer. I wasn't afraid to say no to their offers and I didn't give in, even if they tried to trick me a few times and if they were trying to be aggressive.

My advice is to stick to your price and what you feel comfortable with, don't let someone hassle you or talk you into something you don't want. A purchase like a car needs to have your 100% approval, or you won't be satisfied

I am very happy with the decision I made. I'm now the happy owner of a 2011 Saab 9-3.

Update

It's been about a week since I moved out of my ex-boyfriend's house and on to my own. It's been really hard. I miss the dogs, I miss him. Even though I've been around loved ones, I still feel alone. To me it feels like I'm forgetting something, that something is missing...

I know it's them. I miss cuddling with the doggies and laughing and funny stuff they do. Or when he'd come home and gossip with me about the stupid people that he works with.

During the week I did really well and I haven't really cried. Suddenly today, I was watching Netflix and I had this overwhelming grief and sadness. I just started to ball--out of the blue. The entire thing is just sad. I thought I was ready to move on, but maybe I'm not.

I know that I'll get through this and that I'll be my happy-go-lucky self once again. I tried to make the end of my weekend a little better by going to TJ Maxx. I purchased some great bath stuff and good smelly soaps that made me feel a little better. I just used my new sage soap and I smell...Ahhhhhmazing.

In regards to my blog, I've been going through a tough time and I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. I have some great ideas, but I wanted to decide what direction I should take with this blog. If I should start a completely new one or just keep this one running. I do have about 400 followers. I promise to all that are reading this, I'll crank out some posts shortly. I just need a few more days to decide exactly what I'm going to do. Stay tuned and I wish you every happiness.

I love you, but I love me more

I recently parted ways with my on again-off again boyfriend. We decided that we didn't want the same things and that we didn't have the same passion that there was years ago. At first I was angry, then I was sad. Needless to say, my life changed so drastically in such a short period of time. He broke up with me on March 12th, I moved into my new place on March 17th. 5days. Nothing will be the same. again.

I had to frantically pack my belongings and move out of the house. I had to say goodbye to my furry best friends, a vehicle, and all house necessities. I couldn't really bring anything other than things that were solely mine. It was something very hard for me to swallow.

This man, who has been my best friend for years, and who I've know for my entire adult life is gone. I feel as though something is missing, it pains my heart. Not to sound cliche, this is for the best.

Last night was the first night that I slept in my own place. It was quiet and all I could think about was our relationship and all of the hurt. I had known for awhile that we were drifting apart. I was trying my hardest to hold on to our relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was let it die.

He gave me a mental bookmark for when I look back. How many moments in life can you point out and say "that's when it all changed"? I now have one.

Since I was with him for so long, I feel like I need to regain my identity. I'm going to take the time to heal, love my self, and become a confident woman. He may have hurt me, but I am thankful that he gave me a second chance at a happier life. I now know what I do and don't want in a man, and I know what I deserve.

There is no doubt that there will always be a place for him in my heart. Like my favorite quote from Samantha on Sex in the City "I love you, but I love me more".

I know everything is going to be okay. I just have to keep reminding myself.

Monday Review: Murad Adult Acne Treatment

Three weeks ago, I got a facial at Massage Envy. They perform facials with Murad products, which I love, due to the quality. 

I recently turned 25 and I wanted an Acne Treatment as well as an Anti-Aging treatment. Before going to massage envy I had one set of acne products and one set of anti-aging. 

After my wonderful facial, she suggested the Adult Acne Treatment Line by Murad 

I do have do admit that I did have a little bit of sticker shock, but I have had it for almost a month and use it twice a day and I have hardly made a dent. I won't be surprised if the products last for 6 months. That would equal approximately $25.50 per month. 

first week: It was clearing up my old acne spots, but bringing more to the surface. 

second week: The old and new acne spots were clearing up.

third week: The old spots are gone, the "new" spots are almost gone, and my skin is clear and soft. No new spots are forming.

I'll continue to try the Murad, so far, I'm very happy :)